Authenticity is Going to Feel Bad

Pick your poison

Finding your true self. Being genuine. Aligning your values and your choices. I love that stuff! It’s what I do with clients, what I share with readers, what I do in my free time. It’s at the heart of what it means to be Singularly Sensitive, uniquely you.

It is such a noble goal: to live a life of authenticity.

And it is hard. So hard.

Too often, self-help and pop culture promise us that if we’re true to ourselves, life will click into place, we’ll feel great, and everything will be easy. Authenticity is just a box to check on the way to having your dream life.

I understand the appeal of this belief, even though I know it’s fiction. It offers the promise that we can find the one “right” way to live our lives, after which we’ll have smooth sailing.

But what happens when our values conflict? Or we are committed to a role we chose (spouse, parent, employee), but struggle to live out the realities of that role?

Authenticity is complicated. At times it will feel incredible to be genuinely ourselves. And at other times, it will feel awful.

Being authentic means that, sometimes, we will be at odds with people who matter to us. We are going to feel awkward or defensive. We will feel the ache of not fitting in, the friction of self-doubt, the sting of rejection.

So why bother being authentic when it hurts?

I’m not going to answer that question for you. But I’ll give you a peak at my answer sheet.

As a kid, my dad would often tell me and my brother, “pick your poison.” Once I hit my tween years, I would role my eyes when he said it. As if! I was going to figure out a way to avoid the poison entirely.

But, with time, I learned that he was right. You can choose what kind of pain you’re willing to experience. There is pain in living authentically. A different kind of suffering comes from not being true to ourselves.

More and more, I choose the pain of living authentically. It can be incredibly intense, especially when it leaves me feeling disconnected from others. However, beneath that initial suffering, I know I can connect with a sense of self-acceptance and self-loyalty. Sometimes, there’s even a sense of peace and contentment.

That’s the poison I’ll take.

What will you do? Find your own answer. After all, that’s part of living authentically, too. Wishing you a Singularly Sensitive way forward!