You’re probably here because you consider yourself to be some combination of sensitive, creative, bright, gifted, deep-thinking, empathic, rainforest-minded, neurodivergent, and more. My hope is that you sense that this is a space where all those parts of you are embraced, celebrated, investigated, and challenged.
But maybe you aren’t quite sure about what I’m sharing. Let me take a step back from enthusiastically welcoming you and let you know a little more about why I’m here.
If you’re wondering what the heck a Singularly Sensitive approach is and why you should want want one (aside from the awesome alliteration it would bring to your life), you’ve come to the right post.
Singularly Sensitive is something that I created in part because I’m a chronic organizer. I like to synthesize, boil things down, come up with a system, bring order to chaos. Find a little control in this unpredictable world we inhabit.
Okay, I am a control freak. Sometimes. But I try to use my powers for good.
And when I applied my control freak/organizer extraordinaire powers to my time with the sensitive, bright, creative, deep-thinking people I worked with as a psychologist, I realized how badly all the traditional therapeutic approaches fit for people like you and me.
The Singularly Sensitive Origin Story
The one-size-fits-all approach to psychotherapy is convenient if you’re writing a treatment manual or setting up a research study. It tends to bomb when you try to fit real people with real lives into its neat model.
I’ve long been an “integrative” therapist, trying to blend related elements of various approaches to best suit the real humans who showed up in my office. Working in this way has always suited my pragmatic side while honoring the complexity of my clients.
And if I reflect on my career and the outcome data I’ve gathered from clients (hey, I like data as much as any scientifically minded person, provided that its gathered via meaningful questions and methods), I can see that my clients have improved with my integrative approach.
But what exactly had I been doing? And why did it work for clients who fit some part of that list of qualities I described at the beginning of this article? It was time to apply my inner control freak…I mean, researcher…to this question.
I looked back at progress notes. Wrote case studies about a number of clients. Looked over discussions I’d had on professional lists. Reviewed presentations I’d given and articles I’d written about my work. Made some observations about common themes and practices.
Eventually, it all cooked down to a stew. And I named it Singularly Sensitive.
I do love alliteration, so being able to incorporate that into my approach was a joy. But my main reason for choosing this name is because it is so clear to me that a one-size angle on what it means to be a sensitive person is never going to suffice.
The uniqueness of who sensitive people are is something to celebrate, not flatten out with rules about what it means to be sensitive or rigid parameters on how to live well as one of those people. Any approach to helping each other or growing as individuals has to be customized, bespoke, tailored to who each of us is at a particular moment in our lives.
If you’ve read this far, you might think I’m belaboring this point. “Duh, Lori, we get it.” That’s part of why I like hanging out with people like you and me. We DO get it!
But psychology and self-help aren’t based on appreciating this individuality, the nuances of unique lives rooted in complex systems and contexts. They’re based on creating narrow boxes.
Singularly Sensitive’s Components Free You from that Narrow Box
We spend too much time and effort trying to contort ourselves into the boxes we’re given. If only I can follow this prescribed path, I’ll feel less depressed, complete the items on my task list, have a healthy marriage. And if we fall short of the promised results? Clearly, we didn’t do something right; we failed to follow the system.
Singularly Sensitive turns this system on its ear. I begin with the assumption that you are unique, so whatever path will lead you to the change you want to see in your life must also be a unique creation that fits your life. All of it, not just the parts that might be conveniently measured or addressed in text.
I invite people into a process that includes three components: exploring, experimenting, and integrating. While these may happen in a loosely linear way some of the time, they aren’t tightly ordered and tend to be mutually reinforcing.
Exploring involves using all your ways of knowing and reflecting on a topic. You can gather information from your senses, from patterns you’ve observed, from feedback you’ve received from other people. You’re making a mental map of the territory you’ve inhabited. And maps are not meant to critique, only to describe, so there is no judging your experience in this process.
Experimenting nudges you to make changes. And because change is often scary and uncomfortable, I embrace the concept of setting micro goals that are only pushing you to put a toe outside your comfort zone. Often I tell clients to keep making their micro goals smaller, to the point where, if we’re being honest with ourselves, the only reason for not meeting that micro goal is sheer avoidance. For instance, if I want to drink than my current 4 glasses of water a day, I don’t immediately try to up my intake to 8 glasses. I might start by taking an extra sip after I brush my teeth. Then I set a goal to take a sip of water every time I pick up my phone. Or perhaps I need to start by crafting a plan to keep a bottle of water with me. Or to buy a reusable bottle that I actually like enough to want to drink from. The point of experimenting with micro goals is to learn more about yourself and what it might take to make bigger changes. And again, there is no judging or critiquing, just gathering data.
The integration component of Singularly Sensitive is where your critical thinking skills and deep-thinking nature take center stage. It’s a phase where you reflect on what you’ve learned from exploring and experimenting. You synthesize your findings and use them to point to new directions for exploring and experimenting. Ideally, you work very hard to set aside judgments and proceed with self-compassion in building the life that is uniquely best for you—your Singularly Sensitive lifestyle.
I warned you this wouldn’t fit into a simple model that anyone could pick up and use without modifications. But you would have come to hate it if it were, because we’ve all “failed” with the one-size-fits-all models.
Singularly Sensitive is Inherently Revolutionary
While I didn’t start out with this intention, it’s become clear to me that what I’ve created is a revolutionary approach. I’m not sharing an expert-led, one-size-fits-all strategy. In fact, you don’t need me or this approach.
Spot the design flaw of this model in a capitalist system?
I can’t truly give you the Singularly Sensitive approach, because you’ve been living it all along.
I’m handing you some tools that have been helpful to some people with whom you may share some similarities. It’s up to you to check them out, see if they fit for you and how they work in your life today. Take what’s helpful; leave the rest.
If you wish, bring in tools from other people and practices that are outside my scope (things you might find in yoga, acupuncture, music therapy, energy medicine, astrology, nutrition, or any other discipline that I’m not qualified to weigh in on). And definitely use the tools that are right for you from psychotherapy, pharmacology, and traditional medical approaches. Use as many resources as you can.
But don’t put yourself into any narrow box. You are too beautifully complex for that.
Be yourself. To me, this is a sacred duty, to be completely and uniquely yourself. Grow, change, develop. Or stay the same. Trust your inner self to know the timing that fits you.
Allow your singular self to have a transformative impact on the world in the way that only you can. We need all the magic that you bring!
Your way of being sensitive and your circumstances are uniquely yours. Thus, it’s up to you to create your Singularly Sensitive approach to life. I can’t give that approach to you, but I’m delighted to journey with you along your path.
And I’m tremendously grateful for your company along my own, Singularly Sensitive way.