Recently I’ve been a part of several communities and groups of friends where the topic of being busy has been fiercely debated. The arguments tended to cluster in one of three camps:
Busyness is a sign of poor boundaries, a lack of work-life balance, people pleasing, anxiety, and other emotional, psychological, and interpersonal issues.
Busyness is a sign of executive functioning problems, badly managed ADHD, and other neurodivergence issues that are poorly managed.
Busyness is a sign of internalized patriarchy and capitalism, evidence of someone being duped into hustle culture in order to demonstrate their sense of worth.
In all these conversations, the prevailing assumption was that busyness is problematic, a sign of a personal and/or societal failing. We should aspire to leisure. Engage in self-care in the form of escapes from daily life.
Being less busy is glorified as a goal, the ultimate state of achievement and evolved wisdom.
But is busyness really that bad?
I don’t think so.
Yes, busyness can be a sign of any number of personal and contextual factors that people raised in these discussions. I have certainly been busy due to not being skilled at saying no, struggling to plan how much time is needed to complete a task, or out of a desire to prove that I’m a hard worker and am serious about my academic or professional output.
In those situations, my busyness felt uncomfortable, pressured, restricting. I felt as though my identity and self-worth were on the line. Opting out of busyness did not feel like a genuine alternative, which only made my distress at being busy feel worse.
Choosing Busyness
On the other hand, what if busyness is sometimes the sign of a vibrant, complex life?
What if chosen busyness that aligns with our values is the cure, not the disease?
I talk to so many people who are focused on being less busy, cutting back their work hours, simplifying their lifestyles as if these are the end goals, the keys to being successful, happy, a good person. People who have identified busyness as the enemy and are committed to rooting it out of their lives.
The problem with this is approach is that I don’t see these people using their found time in ways that fill their cups, bring them contentment or peace, relieve the itch in their brains. They may be less busy, taking vacation, doing more self-care, but their lives don’t feel better.
Choosing to be busy with activities that align with what we value, desire, and need is a radical alternative to the cult of anti-busyness. Choosing comes with the responsibility to identify what our values, desires, and needs are and to act in accordance. It is not an easy path.
But I think intentional busyness is completely worthwhile.
Imagine that one of your values is being connected to nature. Then imagine that, to avoid busyness, you opt to skip a birdwatching trip or a weekend hike. Being disconnected from your values leads to suffering, no matter how not-busy it leaves you. Participating in those outings may fill up your calendar, but it also fills up your need to connect with nature.
When we align our choices with our values, needs, and desires, we can tolerate the busyness. If I’m excited about a new creative project, I might gladly spend some extra time in the evening engaged in it. Yes, it is technically work. No, I’m not technically sticking to a strict work-personal life boundary. But if the creative project is what I want to be doing, if it fills my cup, I probably don’t feel so bad about being busy.
This can be true about values-aligned choices that aren’t as inherently fun as a creative project. As a mom, one of my values is to support my son’s development as a whole person. That often takes the form of enabling his participation in extracurricular activities. Does it feel like my life is busy when we’re going to multiple Taekwondo practices each week? Yes. Is it still values-aligned to be busy in that way. Absolutely. My values make this kind of busyness perfectly acceptable to me.
My busyness is none of your business.
And yours is none of mine.
Busyness isn’t something we can judge about other people. I don’t know the values, needs, and desires that inform your schedule. I don’t know your limits, and I certainly am not going to share your exact sense of what kinds of busyness are worth it to you.
I encourage you to tap into your natural introspection skills. Are you bringing intentionality to your busyness? Or has it just happened? If your busyness is due to any of the struggles that I mentioned at the outset, get support for untangling yourself. You deserve to be busy in ways that align with your values, not just the expectations of others.
If you are a deep thinker, empathetic, or a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may be under the impression that you need to make yourself less busy in order to feel better. You’ve probably gotten lots of messages that doing less is important.
I disagree.
You Should Be Busy!
Sensitive, gifted people are born to make a difference in the world. We have a need to make a positive impact and leave a legacy. You can’t do that without a certain degree of busyness.
Taking action for causes that matter to you—from your personal health and your close relationships to community and global issues—is what will make the busyness worthwhile. Just make sure that your activities align with what you value, desire, and need.
Choose your busyness. Own it! Do it in your Singularly Sensitive way. The world is waiting for you.