Self-Compassion is a Risk I Hope You'll Take
The next Soundings Circle will help you deepen your self-compassion in the safety of a community of kindred spirits
Earlier this week I caught myself saying the most brutal, nasty things to myself after something I tried to do went awry. I was so vicious toward myself, saying things I’d never utter to another person. Can you relate?
Moments like these reflect a breakdown in our self-compassion. I write a lot about the subject as part of my Singularly Sensitive approach. It’s a frequent topic because self-compassion can be so elusive, even for the people who are the most kind, empathetic, and generous toward others.
Self-compassion is just so complicated.
Why We Avoid Compassion for Ourselves
Self-compassion can feel profoundly threatening. We stay harsh and critical with ourselves to try to motivate ourselves, keep ourselves in line, stay on the path to progress. It’s like a part of us believes that if we were accepting, soft, gentle with ourselves, everything we’ve accomplished would crumple.
The human brain is wired to have a bias toward believing the negative. It’s good for our survival as a species if we remember how eating the wrong thing could poison us or approaching a sabertooth cat could get us bitten. Unfortunately, our brains haven’t been able to drop this pattern of responding, even though most of ways we’re harsh to ourselves in modern times don’t rise to a survival imperative.
In addition, modern life doesn’t lend itself to sharing stories around the campfire of that near death experience. Far too often, we struggle in silence, ashamed of how harsh we are with ourselves and unable to show anyone what we perceive to be our shortcomings. Self-compassion, we tell ourselves, is something for other people.
The problem with not developing compassion for ourselves? Part of what feeds our ability to be empathetic and connected to other people is our ability to treat ourselves that way.
Self-compassion is good for us, but it’s also good for the rest of the world. Even when it feels scary.
Do You Want to Try Something Different?
If you’re ready to take a calculated risk to build a more compassionate relationship with yourself, please join me in a Soundings Circle on Wednesday, December 4th, from 7-8 PM Eastern.
In the quiet, supportive space of this virtual gathering, we’ll spend time in reflective writing. We’ll give and receive supportive witnessing of our struggles to be self-compassionate. Then we’ll close with guided imagery to help you envision how to nurture a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Please register HERE. I hope you can attend live, since the magic of Soundings Circles is in the community, not just the information. However, since timing is a perennial challenge, I’ll send everyone who registers a copy of the writing prompts and a recording of the guided imagery. The discussion will not be recorded to encourage those who participate to speak from their hearts.
I hope you’ll join me in nurturing self-compassion!
The article mentions how "far too often, we struggle in silence, ashamed of how harsh we are with ourselves." This resonates deeply with me. It's a reminder that we often only see the polished surface of others' lives, while their internal battles remain hidden. Perhaps by sharing our own struggles with self-compassion, we can create a space for greater openness and understanding, allowing others to feel less alone in their own journeys. Thank you for creating that space 🩵
Lori, What stood out for me in this piece is that self-compassion is good for us and the world. It's the magic link that helps us foster deeper, more heartfelt connections with others. My self-compassion has improved considerably through my inner work, but it doesn't necessarily come easily as the first response. But it has changed the quality of my life and is so worthwhile to develop.