I think many of us are collectively grieving the loss of what we thought our country was, yet are also trying to navigate the process individually. What you're offering feels so important, Lori.
Thank you, Paulette. This offering comes out of my own sense that community has never been more important than it is now. I’m not always the best at creating community, but I’m committed to trying. I’m glad you’re a part of this one! 💚
I love the line, 'Grief has a way of turning the spotlight onto who we are, individually and collectively.' It's so true. Grief can reveal our strengths and weaknesses, our vulnerabilities and resilience. It can show us who we are at our core.
Thanks, Alex! It's not always the most flattering picture, but I think it's informative. I've noticed how many people, including me, are looking for different ways of connecting in this time of our grief. That is something beautiful that's emerging. I'm focused on feeling grateful for that, even though I'm sad that we had to get to this point for the reawakening to occur. 💚
Lor, My parents weren't good with handling emotions either. I never connected it to being a generational thing, but it probably was. They were pre-boomers, don't know if there's a name for that generation. Thank you for encouraging us to experience our grief so it doesn't become bottled up inside of us. I think I'm getting better at doing it myself, from my experience of my cat dying last year. But I still have a ways to go.
I’m sorry you lost your cat, Sandra. There was a time where too many people minimized the loss of pets, companion animals, service animals, and whatever creatures are significant in our lives. I’m grateful that’s changing. Grief is grief. Whatever triggers our grief, we need to address the feelings directly, rather than bottle them up or dismiss them. The emotional experience bears witnessing and we deserve compassion, including from ourselves. 💚
The pace of the increase is staggering, too. It’s hard for me to believe how mental health was never mentioned, or if it was, it was a sign of a huge personal (or even moral) failing. I’m grateful that this attitude is changing, at least with younger generations. 💚
It's amazing how these collective tragedies affect each generation going forward. And so important to support one another in grief. I appreciate the good work you are doing!
I relate to this similarly in the context of grieving during the AIDS crisis . Where some cheered the destruction and most had no place for communal grieving... 💕
Leo, thank you for pointing this out. I agree, it was a very similar dynamic of grief being forced underground and grieving people isolated or attacked. It’s so striking to me how the worst patterns of behavior can come forward in response to moments of collective trauma, when what is needed is profound empathy. It reminds me that being empathetic and interdependent is such a brave stance. Hopefully more and more people will tap into that bravery in the coming days. 💚
Lori, I’m Gen X and from Germany. We didn’t see it live only in the news, and I still remember the devastation I felt. Even through my trauma, the disbelief was real. It had started so full of hope—especially for the advancement of women in tech.
I was already grieving. I had lost my father to a car accident one year earlier. I was never truly witnessed. Not in my grief. Not in my pain. The rituals I was given felt like another burden, placed on my already shattered soul to keep me small and voiceless.
I was able to reach part of that place in my first therapy, which began another year later. Yet full integration took another forty years of my life.
Jay, thank you for sharing some of your experiences with grief. I’m sorry you lost your father so young and that the adults in your life weren’t able to do better for you. I think there’s something almost universal about how we can be unwitnessed in our grief and how certain rituals imposed on us feel burdensome. That’s why it’s so important to revisit these losses and our experiences around them and try to bring healing to them via the gift of our adult perspectives, connections, and resources. It’s never too late, so I’m very happy to hear that you have been able to work toward integration. 💚
Reading your words, I paused. Not because they startled me—but because they held me for a moment. The way you reflected on the unwitnessed nature of grief and the weight of imposed rituals—it felt precise. Not sharp, just accurate, and I appreciate that.
It’s taken me a long time to understand how grief, when left unacknowledged, becomes something we carry in strange shapes. Mine lodged itself in silence and over-functioning. And yes, you're right—what we revisit as adults can finally receive a kind of care it never had.
I no longer believe time heals. I believe presence does. And these moments—this kind of presence—matter.
Jay, I’m touched that you felt my presence. Thank you for letting me know! I agree wholeheartedly that time does nothing except give us opportunities for presence and true healing connections. 💚
thx for sharing. for me so much grief too much grief personally, family, societal, global. reading your piece/peace making sense with the naming and allowing the waves to move is helpful. 🙏🏼
I think many of us are collectively grieving the loss of what we thought our country was, yet are also trying to navigate the process individually. What you're offering feels so important, Lori.
Thank you, Paulette. This offering comes out of my own sense that community has never been more important than it is now. I’m not always the best at creating community, but I’m committed to trying. I’m glad you’re a part of this one! 💚
I love the line, 'Grief has a way of turning the spotlight onto who we are, individually and collectively.' It's so true. Grief can reveal our strengths and weaknesses, our vulnerabilities and resilience. It can show us who we are at our core.
Thanks, Alex! It's not always the most flattering picture, but I think it's informative. I've noticed how many people, including me, are looking for different ways of connecting in this time of our grief. That is something beautiful that's emerging. I'm focused on feeling grateful for that, even though I'm sad that we had to get to this point for the reawakening to occur. 💚
Lor, My parents weren't good with handling emotions either. I never connected it to being a generational thing, but it probably was. They were pre-boomers, don't know if there's a name for that generation. Thank you for encouraging us to experience our grief so it doesn't become bottled up inside of us. I think I'm getting better at doing it myself, from my experience of my cat dying last year. But I still have a ways to go.
I’m sorry you lost your cat, Sandra. There was a time where too many people minimized the loss of pets, companion animals, service animals, and whatever creatures are significant in our lives. I’m grateful that’s changing. Grief is grief. Whatever triggers our grief, we need to address the feelings directly, rather than bottle them up or dismiss them. The emotional experience bears witnessing and we deserve compassion, including from ourselves. 💚
So true! Mental health was never mentioned then. And now the collective traumas have only increased.
The pace of the increase is staggering, too. It’s hard for me to believe how mental health was never mentioned, or if it was, it was a sign of a huge personal (or even moral) failing. I’m grateful that this attitude is changing, at least with younger generations. 💚
It's amazing how these collective tragedies affect each generation going forward. And so important to support one another in grief. I appreciate the good work you are doing!
Thank you, Gail! I’m likewise grateful for the good work you do!
I relate to this similarly in the context of grieving during the AIDS crisis . Where some cheered the destruction and most had no place for communal grieving... 💕
Leo, thank you for pointing this out. I agree, it was a very similar dynamic of grief being forced underground and grieving people isolated or attacked. It’s so striking to me how the worst patterns of behavior can come forward in response to moments of collective trauma, when what is needed is profound empathy. It reminds me that being empathetic and interdependent is such a brave stance. Hopefully more and more people will tap into that bravery in the coming days. 💚
Lori, I’m Gen X and from Germany. We didn’t see it live only in the news, and I still remember the devastation I felt. Even through my trauma, the disbelief was real. It had started so full of hope—especially for the advancement of women in tech.
I was already grieving. I had lost my father to a car accident one year earlier. I was never truly witnessed. Not in my grief. Not in my pain. The rituals I was given felt like another burden, placed on my already shattered soul to keep me small and voiceless.
I was able to reach part of that place in my first therapy, which began another year later. Yet full integration took another forty years of my life.
Jay, thank you for sharing some of your experiences with grief. I’m sorry you lost your father so young and that the adults in your life weren’t able to do better for you. I think there’s something almost universal about how we can be unwitnessed in our grief and how certain rituals imposed on us feel burdensome. That’s why it’s so important to revisit these losses and our experiences around them and try to bring healing to them via the gift of our adult perspectives, connections, and resources. It’s never too late, so I’m very happy to hear that you have been able to work toward integration. 💚
Lori, thank you for meeting me in this space.
Reading your words, I paused. Not because they startled me—but because they held me for a moment. The way you reflected on the unwitnessed nature of grief and the weight of imposed rituals—it felt precise. Not sharp, just accurate, and I appreciate that.
It’s taken me a long time to understand how grief, when left unacknowledged, becomes something we carry in strange shapes. Mine lodged itself in silence and over-functioning. And yes, you're right—what we revisit as adults can finally receive a kind of care it never had.
I no longer believe time heals. I believe presence does. And these moments—this kind of presence—matter.
Thank you for bringing yours.
—Jay
Jay, I’m touched that you felt my presence. Thank you for letting me know! I agree wholeheartedly that time does nothing except give us opportunities for presence and true healing connections. 💚
I am in complete agreement with you, Lori.
thx for sharing. for me so much grief too much grief personally, family, societal, global. reading your piece/peace making sense with the naming and allowing the waves to move is helpful. 🙏🏼
If we don’t allow the waves to move, they’ll certainly knock us over. Sending lots of compassion your way at this choppy time! 💚