Self-Regulation, the Singularly Sensitive Way
How I'm helping myself when nothing seems to be helping
I expected that this week would bring a range of emotions as we moved through the presidential debate and the anniversary of 9/11. And I got that, plus a maelstrom of fear, grief, and outrage after two incidents of threatened gun violence at my son's school in two days. Neither threat turned into actual violence. While I am infinitely grateful, I cannot for a moment think that this is a sane way for a country to function, where children, parents, and educators wonder whether this is the day the statistics become personal.
Usually, Wednesdays and Thursdays are when I write my Substack essays. I would have been lucky to parse together more than a few coherent words between refreshing my email, wondering what the latest update from the school district would bring. We heard by Thursday evening that the child “actors” in each of these situations had been identified and disciplinary proceedings had been initiated. I thought that perhaps my nervous system would be calm enough to put some words to paper today. I’m not finding it easy to get started.
Instead, I’m going to do what I suggest to my clients. I’m going to give myself a tremendous amount of self-compassion for how hard this time is and give myself permission to change my plans. Rather than writing about my planned topic or about this week’s events, I’m going to use my Singularly Sensitive approach and see if I can find a way to regulate my nervous system.
I’ve explored what’s helped me cope with overpowering emotions in the past. I know that nature has a profound ability to calm me. Unfortunately, I have some commitments I want to keep that will prevent me going too far from home to my preferred natural spots. So I’m going to experiment to see what might be a good alternative. I sat in my yard, but the noise of mowers was activating, so I’m going to head out to a park nearby that’s likely to be quieter. After I do that, I’ll give myself some time to integrate what I’m experiencing and what I know about myself, so that I can decide what further exploring and experimenting I need to undertake.
Using the Singularly Sensitive approach doesn’t have to be clunky. I named the components explore, experiment, and integrate, but you might think of it as reflect-do-reflect. It’s really just a process that capitalizes on the strengths of deeply introspective people and reminds us to be open to new possibilities.
It’s that active middle phase that is crucial to the effectiveness of Singularly Sensitive. We can’t just think or feel our way out of the situations we find ourselves in, we have to do something small to break the inertia. Only then do we stand a chance of changing what’s happening in our minds and our emotional systems, so that we can eventually have an impact on the world around us.
I’ll leave you with a video from the natural place I’d most like to be right now—Presque Isle State Park in Erie, Pennsylvania. While the cell phone quality isn’t ideal, the video and the photo above remind me of how comforting it has always been for me to be on Lake Erie. I can feel myself releasing just a bit of the tightness of the week. I hope you find ways to do that for yourself, too. I’d love to hear if Singularly Sensitive helps you through the process. 🩵
What a very challenging week Lori, so sorry to hear of school threats. My heart goes out to everyone in the school community and to you. I hope writing this very clear and helpful post did help you ground and breathe, the lake looks so beautiful!
Nature 💚✨the simple, accessible medicine for us all. A great reminder to spend a little more time outside when the inner environment is in chaos. Nature - a balm for the soul.