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Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

You wrote, “Grief is the emotional experience of transition,” and that simple sentence has been echoing in my mind. It’s such a powerful way to frame the feeling. We often think of grief as being tied to loss, to something ending, but you’ve highlighted that it’s also about change, about moving from one state to another. And transitions, as you so eloquently describe, are constant in life, especially in the journey of parenthood. Each stage, each milestone, is a little death and rebirth. It’s a beautiful but sometimes painful dance, and acknowledging the grief within those transitions allows us to embrace them more fully, with compassion and understanding.

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

I’m grateful you shared your response, Alex! It can be hard to put our fingers on all the feelings that come up within a transition (especially the so-called good ones). The lens of grief is one I find especially useful because it opens up the possibility for acknowledging such a range of emotions. Every transition includes elements of positive and negative, so it’s helpful to me to work on accepting each as it comes.

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Sandra Pawula's avatar

Lori, Beautiful piece on the reality of grief and how we can best work with it. You are so courageous!

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Sandra, thank you! I don’t think of myself as courageous, but to the extent that honesty requires courage, I guess I am. I just couldn’t imagine living without it that honesty. 💚

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Eric Larson's avatar

I have four kids, ages 16–35. I spent much time with each , especially as a full time dad for 13 years. What you share resonates.

In those years and beyond, I’ve developed my own objective for caregiving: that’s to help guide them toward being (as reflects the best of their abilities) functional, independent, self-sufficient and self-advocating adults. All while clearly recognizing that no one is fully an island. Total independence is a myth... we are interdependent and rely on social connection for our very health.

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Thank you so much for sharing your experience as someone who’s further down the parenting road than I am, Eric! I think having a vision for what our roles and responsibilities are as parents is vital for orienting ourselves through this process. Interdependence is one of my key values in all areas of my life, too. Being interdependent doesn’t conflict with also being self-sufficient and self-advocating; it is a path we all must negotiate. I’m grateful for your presence here!

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Eric Larson's avatar

Thank you… your contributions are much appreciated as well!

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Thank you!

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Victoria Fann's avatar

Yes, from the minute we give birth, we are practicing letting go of our children.

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

I love that you use the word “practicing,” Victoria. It feels like a repeated effort, perhaps getting a little better at it over time, but in the way that learning anything complex is a gradual, nonlinear process. Thank you for this reminder! 💚

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Victoria Fann's avatar

I still practice it with my adult children. Letting go never ends.

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Kathleen's avatar

🐣 Precious

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Thank you, Kathleen! 💚 ✨

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Marina's avatar

You’ve perfectly captured the joys and pains of being a parent. 💖

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Thanks, Marina! I know you know the territory! 💚

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Liz Cooledge Jenkins's avatar

What a sweet moment of him reaching out with those photos that said so much. Beautiful reflection. There are always so many different emotions to hold at the same time...

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Thanks, Liz! There sure are! 💚

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Carol D Marsh's avatar

Lori, this is beautiful. Gave me the chills.

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Lori L. Cangilla, Ph.D.'s avatar

Thank you so much, Carol! So grateful for our connection! 💚

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