We are Cordial, but not Cowards
An open letter to my neighbors
Dear Neighbor with the Political Signs,
I can’t recall when you moved into our little dead-end neighborhood on the hill, but it was prior to the 2020 election cycle. You’ve never put up political signs before this year, but two are flanking your front door since the Democratic convention concluded. There’s no HOA to stop it. I assume you feel like your candidate needs all the help he can get.
We’ve never talked politics. Shortly after you moved in, you were visibly appalled that I asked how your family stores your guns when your kids invited my son to come in and play. But to your credit, you told me. Your guns aren’t secure, so we don’t allow our son to play in your house. We regularly talk with our son about what to do if, if, if. Fortunately that has remained a hypothetical.
Clearly you thought I’d crossed a line, since you and your family have maintained your distance since then. It’s alright. We have, too. To everyone’s credit, we all are cordial, respectful neighbors. Our kids play at the bus stop, pet each others’ dogs, ride bikes in the street. All the adults can wave, comment on how big the kids are getting, gripe about the weather. It’s a version of neighborliness that my husband and I grew up with, and perhaps you did as well.
If my gun question didn’t tip you off to our beliefs, we know you’ve seen us at the polling station on primary election days, the rare users of the Democratic ballots. You saw us leaving Banned Books Bingo. We drive old cars and plant clover lawn for the environment. We don’t hide who we are.
My husband and I have made assumptions about your political leanings, which you confirmed with your signs. We shook our heads, talked privately about people voting against their interests, and went about our day. We’re bright blue in blazing red suburbia. If we think too much about any given yard signs, we’d never do anything else this fall.
Our son, on the cusp of being a teen, was a third grader in remote school during the last election. His wise teacher, coming into families’ living rooms, did not once broach the subject of politics. But times have changed, and middle school is different. The election is not only talked about at school but is a subject of study. And like many middle schoolers, our son has plenty of questions and opinions.
His first comment to us when he saw your signs was “seriously?” Delivered in the drawn-out way that only an adolescent can manage, that single word reflected a range of emotions from deep exasperation to profound sadness. “They seem so nice, even though they’re voting for him.” His sensitive heart was clearly breaking as he struggled to reconcile how his neighbors could vote for someone whose behavior is anything but nice.
After a long moment’s silence, he asked if that meant that he wouldn’t be allowed to play with the kids or their dogs. Of course not! We had a long discussion about being neighbors, about how to live your values even with people who think differently, about agreeing to disagree, since we can’t change their minds any more than they could change ours. Our son said that sounded like what he and the kids do now. Then keep it up, I told him. Our neighbors are not our enemies. We all lose if we continue to allow ourselves to be fractured into an us-against-them society.
So, Neighbor, thank you for giving us this opportunity to have a conversation with our son that wasn’t about politics in the abstract, which is hard enough for adults to grasp. It was about people he knows, nice people with nice dogs, whose belief system is diametrically opposed to ours. People have worth, even when they see the world differently than we do.
But I hope it also helps him understand in a different way why my husband and I avoid demonizing your ticket or the MAGA crowd. It’s not just the big villain who is causing harm; it’s each and every person who aligns with that cause or allows it to go unchecked.
We want our son to understand that it is ordinary people who choose to prop up evil or choose to confront it. We are committed to teaching him to stand up to bullies and liars and cheats and criminals and hate-mongers. I don’t know if any of those terms apply to you, but you have shown the world that you support a candidate who is all of those things. We choose to confront it.
No, our son won’t bring up politics with your kids, and we won’t accost the adults, because that’s not who we are as a family. Besides, an argument between neighbors isn’t going to make a difference on election day, and that’s our top priority. It is all we have time and energy for.
We have and will continue to be taking action to support the Harris-Walz ticket and Democrats down the ballot. We’ll be living our values and working to get more people to do the same. We will bite out tongues when we want to let out the same exasperation and sadness that our son couldn’t hide. We may be cordial, but we are not cowards, and we will not sit idly by this election season.
To support the Harris-Walz campaign, click HERE.
To advocate for common sense gun reform and candidates who support it, click HERE.
A relatable perspective of living amongst differing views and prioritizing community / neighborliness. I more or less grew up in Texas, and I have encountered all sorts of people. Growing up in a small town and a diverse city, most all have been kind and helpful. And before US politics became this polarized, I learned if they are kind to me and my family, treat us with respect no matter my skin being brown or that my name ignites stereotypes that have been fed, than we interact and engage based on that. Regardless, like your compassionate conversation with our son, we navigate with respect because we have to walk our values as an embodiment versus a reaction.
How people vote on election day does not necessarily align to the day to day values they exhibit with regular people... the perspectives that justify our political beliefs make sense to each person, but very hard for others to make sense of from different shoes.
It's an important example you're setting with your son, and I do wish the pendulum will swing toward shared humanity soon. Thanks Lori.
Being neighborly is hard! Thanks for sharing your heart.