What Do Milestones Tell Us About Who We Are?

Hindsight tells a better story than the one I planned for

If you’re drawn to neat numbers, let me tell you about my 2025. I turn 50 later this year. It’s been 20 years since my now husband and I first started dating. And I’ve just passed a year of writing on Substack.

There’s something about these tidy milestones in 2025 that resonates with me. Look how simple and orderly it makes life look! Pay no attention to the reality of these spans of time.

It’s so easy to see the order in hindsight, even though uncertainty and even chaos felt like the themes as I lived them.

I want to invite you to reflect on your own milestones as I take stock of the last year. Notice how you can craft a cohesive story in retrospect, even if you felt unclear, disjointed, even lost while you lived each day. What story are you weaving today with the benefit of knowing your history?

Here’s the story of my first Substack year. It’s full of plot twists I didn’t expect, obstacles I still haven’t overcome, and an ending that sets up the sequel.

Starting with the pain of “I want to be a writer” and happily arriving elsewhere

I’ve loved writing since I could first put letters on paper. I’ve long wanted to be seen as a “writer” (imagine saying that with gravitas and stage presence). I do the work of writing, even published Wander and Delve.

So why don’t I feel like I’m a writer?

After committing to publishing weekly on Substack for a year and surprising myself with reaching that goal, I realized that I don’t identify first and foremost as a writer. I still love writing, maybe even more than a year ago, because I’ve stopped doing it to prove my identity to myself.

This experiment on Substack has solidified for me that what lights me up most of all, what feels like my gift and my purpose, is advocating for and supporting those who are being silenced, ignored, or overlooked have a voice. I want people to take action, find their own paths forward, and stand up for what matters to them. I long to translate the whispers of the landscape into a voice that people can hear and cherish.

Advocating is central to my identity—it’s who I am. Writing is my preferred way of advocating. They go inextricably hand in hand, but advocacy leads. And you know what? Saying I’m an advocate who writes feels like the chef’s kiss perfect way of describing myself. I don’t have to prove that I’m an advocate in the way that I’ve been publishing weekly blogs and later weekly Substack posts to prove to myself that I’m a writer. If I never leave my bed today, my identity is still an advocate.

What an incredible release of this forced identity as a writer! It brings me back to the joy of writing, because I’m not expecting a thousand words here and there to reassure me that I’m living up to the image I present. I’m so grateful to have shed the performative image and learned to embrace myself as an advocate this year.

Vanity traps are everywhere!

Who cares how many people liked my post, restacked my note, shared my publication? I do. I hate that about myself. Shifting from seeing myself first and foremost as a writer to seeing myself as an advocate hasn’t brought with it the instant enlightenment that lets me bypass the vanity traps.

I’m learning to see these moments as opportunities to practice letting go of my competitive, comparison-driven conditioning and focus on why I came to Substack in the first place: to connect with kindred spirits. I’ve found that community in abundance here, which is better than the quick dopamine high of likes and shares. It’s a conscious process of recalibrating my true values and the metrics by which I assess if I’m living those values here and in the rest of my life. I have a long way to go.

As promised, I’ve dabbled.

One of the myths that has stuck in my craw over the years is that I need to focus my writing on a single topic. I instantly feel like I’m missing out on too much of the world when I stay laser focused for any length of time. It’s in my nature to wander.

So, I’m not apologizing for the way that my Substack dabbles. While Singularly Sensitive is niched in its focus on highly sensitive people, idealists, and activists, I’m proud that I’ve allowed myself to explore lots of territory.

You may not have been drawn to everything I’ve written about, which is a risk when someone covers topics as diverse as busyness, journaling badly, going to the woods, and the everyday miracle of social activism. But I trust that the people who are drawn here have a range of interests, too. And I trust you to follow the law of nature: take what you need, leave the rest. There may be something else for you next time.

“The Gentle Path to Revolutionary Growth”

The common theme in all my dabbling has been my desire to support sensitive, idealistic people in contributing to the causes they care about. The world desperately needs sensitive, idealistic people and what they bring to society.

I don’t believe that we’re going to change the world for the better until more people like us are leading, making a difference in the causes we care about, and showing the world that our values and choices are good for society.

It’s only through each of us building a Singularly Sensitive lifestyle that we can sustainably maintain our activist roles without burning out or feeling like we have to sell out to survive.

I see this as a gentle path to revolutionary growth. It’s more than just a tagline. We need sustainable strategies, aligned with our sensitivity and ideals, to achieve our personal and community goals. We must dismantle systems that deny the worth of anyone who isn’t in power. We need to create new ways of interacting, so that everyone and everything in the natural world gets a seat at the table.

Imagine a world where sensitive people’s stories shine!

Those are the stories I’m advocating for and the storytellers I want to empower.

Whether you desire to have an impact on yourself, your family, your neighborhood, or beyond, you have such potential to be a model and an engine for change.

You have your doubts, your challenges, and your share of systemic obstacles. I know. The uncertainty of today makes it hard to believe that you will be able to do these things that are so dear to you and achieve your goals and dreams.

I understand, because I’m living the story the same way: front to back. We don’t know today what the next chapter will bring, let alone the final paragraph.

Being your advocate is my pleasure and my privilege. I’m here to cheer you on, lovingly give you a kick in the pants (because we call need it sometimes), hype you up to other people, help you strategize about your gentle path forward, and help you weave a Singularly Sensitive lifestyle centered on the sustainable growth and change you imagine.

Thank you for allowing me to walk with you along your gentle path to revolutionary growth. You’ve given me a priceless gift.

I can’t wait to see what the sequel to this first year on Substack holds for all of us!