Thank you Lori. Amen to..."Please pause and be as kind to yourself in those moments as you would be to someone you love". It is such a simple formula...and yet so many of us struggle to see how much we need that very love.
Lori, I love how you are helping us become more psychologically flexible about solitude and community because what we want isn't always available to us. I'm in a phase where I am establishing a more contemplative life. However, my community needs are met by talking to my sister daily and visiting with my best friends once a week. That's a good balance for me. But since everything changes, it's valuable to bear in mind your suggestions about flexibility.
Sandra, I’m grateful to hear your reaction to these articles! It sounds like you are honoring your shift toward a more contemplative life while refining what community looks like for you and how much of it serves your life as a whole.
In her comment, @Holly Holt talked about the dance between solitude and community, and I wonder if that resonates with you. If not, maybe there’s another image that might remind you of how you envision flexibility for yourself. For me, ideas of flexibility or a dance fit better than “balance,” since what’s best for me will always lean heavily toward solitude. However you conceptualize this, I hope you’ll continue to choose what serves your greatest good!
Thank you for reminding us to be kind to ourselves, Lori. It's so easy to get caught up in self-criticism when things aren't going the way we want. Your words are a gentle reminder that we all deserve compassion, especially during challenging times.
My pleasure, Alex. It’s the reminder I need for myself. I’m never going to sustainably criticize or berate myself to be a better person, but it gentleness and self-compassion are not my default mode. Thanks for sharing your reaction!
It is not my default reaction either. I’m a solver, and for a long time (and still sometimes…) in the process of solving, I often miss the true need - empathy and compassion. Helping myself or someone else feel seen and heard.
So relatable, Alex! For me, solving is especially challenging when it comes from a place of caring and compassion. I don’t want to suffer or see someone else suffer. But we need that tension and pain to grow. We’ll probably never get it right every time, but I think being aware of our tendency to solve opens up lots of potential for us to respond differently.
"When I’m feeling sluggish and that leaves me feeling lonely, I try to identify what I can do to increase my level of stimulation without tipping into overstimulation and overwhelm. That balancing act can be the bane of a sensitive person’s existence, so I like to start with doing something small to change my physical experience: sit on the other end of the couch, move to a different room, go outside, hold and drink a hot cup of coffee (or an iced drink in the summer), or other small steps to see if I can gradually increase my stimulation level. As I can tolerate it, I increase my activity level until I feel less in need of other people to shift my energy or mood." I'll be thinking about this - appreciate the practicality of it. As someone who works from home, usually in one of two locations, just moving somewhere where I haven't already been sitting for hours can make a big difference! I also never regret going outdoors, although it'll be harder in the coming months...
Thanks for sharing, Liz! I work from home and know the feeling of discovering I’ve hardly budged until my dog wisely suggests we move. Before he joined our family, I used to set an alarm as a reminder, but he’s harder to ignore. :) We’re having our first all-day rain of fall, so today I’m going to practice looking out the window or going out to the porch (if the wind shifts so I’m not getting a shower). Any shift helps, even when the weather makes it harder. Wishing you plenty of small breaks and shifts!
Likewise to you!! Yes, even intentionally looking out the window on a rainy day helps! Also my cat usually demands to be let in or out about 10 times every morning, so that's good too I suppose :D
I’ve talked about and wrestled with my seemingly opposing needs for solitude and community. Now, rather than seeing them as opposites, I see them as dance partners.
I love this rich image, Holly! I’m thinking of all the ways that dance partners can struggle with their music, with being out of harmony, but in those moments when they’re in sync—wow! Thank you for sharing with us!
Thank you Lori. Amen to..."Please pause and be as kind to yourself in those moments as you would be to someone you love". It is such a simple formula...and yet so many of us struggle to see how much we need that very love.
Thanks you, Ian. I appreciate hearing from you!
Lori, I love how you are helping us become more psychologically flexible about solitude and community because what we want isn't always available to us. I'm in a phase where I am establishing a more contemplative life. However, my community needs are met by talking to my sister daily and visiting with my best friends once a week. That's a good balance for me. But since everything changes, it's valuable to bear in mind your suggestions about flexibility.
Sandra, I’m grateful to hear your reaction to these articles! It sounds like you are honoring your shift toward a more contemplative life while refining what community looks like for you and how much of it serves your life as a whole.
In her comment, @Holly Holt talked about the dance between solitude and community, and I wonder if that resonates with you. If not, maybe there’s another image that might remind you of how you envision flexibility for yourself. For me, ideas of flexibility or a dance fit better than “balance,” since what’s best for me will always lean heavily toward solitude. However you conceptualize this, I hope you’ll continue to choose what serves your greatest good!
Thank you for reminding us to be kind to ourselves, Lori. It's so easy to get caught up in self-criticism when things aren't going the way we want. Your words are a gentle reminder that we all deserve compassion, especially during challenging times.
My pleasure, Alex. It’s the reminder I need for myself. I’m never going to sustainably criticize or berate myself to be a better person, but it gentleness and self-compassion are not my default mode. Thanks for sharing your reaction!
It is not my default reaction either. I’m a solver, and for a long time (and still sometimes…) in the process of solving, I often miss the true need - empathy and compassion. Helping myself or someone else feel seen and heard.
So relatable, Alex! For me, solving is especially challenging when it comes from a place of caring and compassion. I don’t want to suffer or see someone else suffer. But we need that tension and pain to grow. We’ll probably never get it right every time, but I think being aware of our tendency to solve opens up lots of potential for us to respond differently.
"When I’m feeling sluggish and that leaves me feeling lonely, I try to identify what I can do to increase my level of stimulation without tipping into overstimulation and overwhelm. That balancing act can be the bane of a sensitive person’s existence, so I like to start with doing something small to change my physical experience: sit on the other end of the couch, move to a different room, go outside, hold and drink a hot cup of coffee (or an iced drink in the summer), or other small steps to see if I can gradually increase my stimulation level. As I can tolerate it, I increase my activity level until I feel less in need of other people to shift my energy or mood." I'll be thinking about this - appreciate the practicality of it. As someone who works from home, usually in one of two locations, just moving somewhere where I haven't already been sitting for hours can make a big difference! I also never regret going outdoors, although it'll be harder in the coming months...
Thanks for sharing, Liz! I work from home and know the feeling of discovering I’ve hardly budged until my dog wisely suggests we move. Before he joined our family, I used to set an alarm as a reminder, but he’s harder to ignore. :) We’re having our first all-day rain of fall, so today I’m going to practice looking out the window or going out to the porch (if the wind shifts so I’m not getting a shower). Any shift helps, even when the weather makes it harder. Wishing you plenty of small breaks and shifts!
Likewise to you!! Yes, even intentionally looking out the window on a rainy day helps! Also my cat usually demands to be let in or out about 10 times every morning, so that's good too I suppose :D
I’ve talked about and wrestled with my seemingly opposing needs for solitude and community. Now, rather than seeing them as opposites, I see them as dance partners.
I love this rich image, Holly! I’m thinking of all the ways that dance partners can struggle with their music, with being out of harmony, but in those moments when they’re in sync—wow! Thank you for sharing with us!
Sometimes, the right metaphor shimmies it's way into my mind. It seems to do this most when I encounter other sensitive folks. Glad we're connected!
Likewise, Holly!